Hanoi: it’s different!

I like Hanoi. It is so different from other Southeast Asian capitals!

Going for a walk on a misty morning might just feel like a journey back in time. There are no tall buildings or skyscrapers or metro lines in the city. Strolling down on one of the wider French-style avenues, you catch a glimpse of key military and government buildings left and right. All of them having the red star or the hammer and the sickle, or all three. The buildings are protected by dish-hatted sharp-looking soldiers and you can’t help but wonder if they will shoot you if you snap a photograph. In fact they try to look strict, but the badminton court lines painted on the asphalt in front of their guard posts reveals what they really do when no one is watching. 

Apart from the colonial buildings built during the French rule, the architecture of common buildings has a fascinating resemblance of Dutch architecture in terms of façade width: these guys, just like the Dutch, used to pay taxes according to the width of the façade of the building. No wonder most houses you will see have a distinct brick-shape, the width being the smallest dimension.

Services are also more limited than in other capitals around. In Bangkok for example we got used to be able to find a place to eat all around the clock. In Hanoi old quarter we had a hard time finding anything to eat at 22:30! In fact most places MUST close at midnight, a few stay open later, but they switch off the neon lights outside.

Another distinct feature of the city is it’s traffic. By the time we landed in Vietnam, we have been to a couple of traffic-crazy cities, but none of them came close to Hanoi. Take all the motorbikes from Jakarta, multiply them by three, combine them with all the horn-pushing freaks from Peru and oblige them to sound their horn constantly: that’s when you get something like the traffic in Hanoi. There is flood of motorbikes everywhere. Not just on the roads, but the common thing is to park them on the sidewalk. As a result the pedestrians are forced to walk in the middle of the road, surrounded by the bypassing other motorbikes, cars and pedicabs. Traffic lights are not very common, thus for a pedestrian to get to the other side of the street the required steps are the following:

1. take a deep breath
2. watch out for incoming traffic, but start the crossing
3. don’t slow down, don’t speed up, walk in an even pace
4. you are on the other side: celebrate:)

People are so attached to their motors that it is not uncommon to see drivers eating or sleeping on them. In the evening it is customary to take the so far outside parked motorbikes inside the houses. Even fancier hotels do that, so don’t get surprised when you get greeted with a couple of vehicles in the hall when you perform a late night return.

Motorbikes can officially carry maximum two people, but everyone knows it is a joke. The empirical limit is 5 people plus a couple of flat-screen TVs and a medium-sized chicken.

Apart from the crazy number of motorbikes, Hanoi also features the worst car drivers I have seen on the trip. Breaking is kind of a last resort when the horns don’t have the desired effect. Passing from the right is OK. Even if there is no paved road on the right. Passing from left with oncoming traffic is also OK, the passing is the important thing!

You will find a large number of cyclos or pedicabs as well. They are vitally the same as the tuktuks in Bangkok, except that they are pedal operated, and tourists sit in the front. The rule is the same here: never take them, or take them once for the feeling but bargain hard before. And above all, don’t wet your pants if the driver decides to take you against oncoming traffic (remember: with you being in the front).

If you like embalmed bodies of great leaders, pay a visit to the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum. Visits are allowed on most mornings but be prepared that you cannot take anything with you, you have to wear proper shoes and long trousers and no way that you can speak, put your hands in your pockets or show any other signs of disrespect in front of the plastic-like corpse of Ho Chi Minh.

The food in Vietnam is generally delicious. Can be spicy at times, but nothing you can’t survive. The most famous dish is the pho bo, which is essentially noodle soup with beef, often served as breakfast. Many locals sit outside on tiny plastic chairs while enjoying their lunch or evening meal, or just a drink. Vietnam has the largest number of these little plastic chairs, and in total they are estimated to reach until the Moon, if they are stacked on top of each other. Talk about Vietnam space program!
Dogs and snakes are also commonly consumed, but you need to go to special places to get them. In fact there are certain cities around Hanoi that are specialized in certain things. In one city you go to eat snake meat, in another you go to have a cheap suit tailored to you, in a third one you go if you want quality silk dresses. Hanoi itself has also streets specialized in certain goods. You will find silk street, gold street, veggie street, shoe street, food street, etc.

Let’s steer finally to the silk dresses. The traditional wear for women is the so called ao dai. It is an eye-catching long sleeved, long-legged silk dress, and it is not uncommon to see girls wearing it. The plain white version also serves as the official school uniform.

The capital of Thailand…

Let me start with a classic, that always cracks me up:

So Bangkok it is!
The full name of the city is actually Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Phiman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit, which roughly translates to “The crazy big city with lot of Buddhas, emeralds, tuk-tuk drivers and prositutes”. It is officially the longest place name of the world, and the city is statistically the hottest city as well, with temperatures over 30C throughout the year.

The city is well known for its crazy nightlife and prostitution. And let’s face it: Bangkok and prostitution come hand in hand. While nudity is officially forbidden, this is nowhere enforced, and you must be blind not to come across bars with go-go dancers or ping-pong shows. (If you don’t know what is a ping pong show, stop here, google around a bit, and come back later:)) Be prepared to see a lot of westerners enjoying the services of such places, and although I haven't seen it yet, Hangover 2 might be a good guide what not to do in the city:) Also be prepared to see quite a few white daddies (mostly German pensioners) hanging around with their probably-just-over 18 sweethearts of questionable sexual identity.

(Once we are at the topic, please note that funnily enough the …porn suffix is quite common in Thai surnames. This does not necessarily mean that the person works in the sex industry, and for example the surname Pandaporn does not imply anything abusive of the animal rights of the Pandas:)

The good news is, that apart from the above, Bangkok has much fun to offer. One of the most frequented areas by tourists is the Khao San Road. This street not only has a number of bars, discos, restaurants, street sellers 24/7, but you can simply shop for some fake ids and diplomas also. We were seriously considering to purchase a French press id and a Master of Business diploma issued by the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

The whole city is so alive, that it is really easy to find something to eat or an open internet-café almost 24 hours a day. To get around, you can use the modern subway and monorail system, taxis, tuk-tuks or motortaxis, or, due to the high number of channels criss-crossing the city, you might even consider motorboats. Now a word of warning about tuktuks. Even though they look fun and cheap, they are NOT. Your guidebook will also tell you not to take any, unless you want to be ripped off or have a lot of time to waste. Tuktuks are NEVER cheaper than taxis, nor faster, nor comfortable. Take it once for the feeling, but bargain a lot and never let the driver take you to any shops. In fact you can get a free ride if you visit three or more shops, simply because the driver gets commission if he takes you there. Motortaxis are simply motors, which will take you on their back seat. They are safe in terms that the driver will not mug you, like in Colombia could happen, but the speed can be too fast and the distance of other objects from your knees too small. Take it for short distances, if you know where you go, otherwise always opt for a taxi. Now taxis are also not that easy to navigate. Taxi drivers hardly ever speak English or able to read maps. At night time in front of popular tourist places they simply refuse to use the meter and overcharge you by 400%. Very often even with clear directions they will take you to one hotel they know asking if this was the destination you wanted? That is the time when you have to consider if you take another chance with them, or send them to the holy Buddha and look for another ride.

Talking about Buddha, if after a few days you still haven't seen the golden, the emerald, the smiling, the reclining, the giant, the small, the big, the black, the wooden, the normal Buddha along with several thousand other meditating Buddhas, you probably spent too much time out in the night, not focusing on the cultural values of the city:) There are a number of great temples and religious sites you can visit, and most places you will have to remove your shoes and careful not to point your toes at Buddha. Some places though don’t require you to remove your shoes, and after all it will be a total confusion.

South of Thailand

The marketing team of the Thai seaside vacations did a good job, just like their Bali colleagues. While the beaches are significantly cleaner than we experienced in Bali, the huge number of tourists cannot be ignored. Just as Bali is popular amongst Australians, the Phuket region in Thailand has surprisingly high number of Russian tourists, moreover in an organized boat trip we took, the majority of the passengers were actually Hungarian! Now I don’t say this is bad, actually, I endorse Hungarians travelling more, but if you expect a tranquil getaway, probably you should choose another destination.

There are also some “condense” areas of local tourism. For some reason EVERYONE wants to see the “James Bond” island, and the “The Beach” aka “Di Caprio” bay. Even if people didn’t see any of the movies above, even if there are cca. 2 million similar locations in Southeast Asia. Doesn’t matter. You just have to go there, take a photo with your cellphone and brag about it once you get home. Now the result is, that the photo you will take will probably result in something like this:

…or this:

Anyway, once you get past your agoraphobia, you can hop on one of the carbon-monoxide-emission-challenged boats and take a trip to Phi Phi island (also known as Ko Phi Phi). The island was razed down almost completely by the 2004 tsunami, but recovered amazingly. It is a favorite meeting spot of the westerners, who get wasted early on cheap rum while watching Thai kick-boxers beating the crap out of each other (strictly dramatized) and ending up on a beach full-moon party. If the name of the island wasn’t funny enough, in the middle of it you can also find an open-air wastewater treatment facility, which is simply referred to as the “poo garden”. And a word of notice: your hotel is never far enough from the poo garden!

 

You can take another boat to the Ko Lanta island. It is less frequented than Phi Phi, with its long beach line you can actually find a spot to relax. Also a lot of bars tend to mimic a Jamaican-style take it easy atmosphere. You can rent a cheap scooter to travel around the island, but don’t expect good quality roads everywhere.

Finally we ended up in Krabi. Couldn’t enjoy much the city as by this time it was raining almost constantly. On paper, it was the dry season. In reality, due to the excess flooding we could hardly reach our plane to get away from the region.

Kuala Lumpur

While Paul stayed a few more days in Singapore, I took a short trip to Kuala Lumpur (KL for short). The city is just a few hours bus ride away from its neighbor, Singapore, which actually belonged to Malaysia for a short time. (Only two years after Singapore got rid of the British rule and got incorporated into the Malay Federation, they were simply expulsed, thus Singapore became the only country in the history of the modern world to gain independence against its own will.)

Unfortunately most of the time I was staying there, it was raining cats and dogs, which not only turned streets into rivers, but the pavement also got so slippery, that skating was the safest and most efficient form of pedestrianism.

The most emblematic building of the city is the Petronas twin towers. They are the tallest twin buildings of the world and were the tallest buildings until 2004. Visitors are only allowed up until the 41th floor, where the Skybridge joins the two towers. Be prepared that the time you can actually enter the elevators will be printed on your ticket and can be more than 3 hours later than the actual time of purchase.

Second to the twin towers the city also features the KL tower, which itself is the sixth tallest telecommunication tower in the world. Although it looks actually taller than the twin towers, it’s just because it was built on a hill.

In terms of food, just like Singapore, KL also offers a wide variety of Asian dishes, including halal and Indian muslim specialties. Maybe the most famous local delicacy is the nasi lemak, which is rice cooked with coconut milk, served with anchovies, roasted peanuts, eggs and sambal sauce, all wrapped up in a banana leaf.

Also worth mentioning the newly constructed monorail system, which eases the task of getting around in peak hours, and the somewhat unheard of Malaysian automobile industry, which is represented by the locally popular brands Proton and Perodua.

Singapore - the fine city

Singapore is a little piece of jewel in the heart of Southeast Asia. The country-city lies on a couple of islands on the southernmost tip of the Eurasian continent, only a few kilometers far from the equator. With only 5 million inhabitants, it is much smaller than any of the capitals in the region, and due to the strict laws and regulations, the city is amazingly clean and pleasant to look at. Because there are heavy punishments and fines for quite a lot of things, Singapore is often entitled as "the fine city". You will get fined for chewing a chewing gum(!), not flushing the toilet, urinating in the elevator (must have been common before) or jaywalking across the streets. Durian is a kind of fruit popular all around this region, interestingly it is forbidden to take it with you in the metro of Singapore. First we thought it must be because it can be used as a weapon, but no, we have been told, it’s because it spreads an awful smell, thus it can actually be considered as a weapon of mass destruction:) Some activities attract heavier punishment than simple fines. Caning is still practiced, and as an example you might be subject to it if you stay longer in the country than your visa permits. Homosexuality is officially illegal, and oral sex was forbidden before 2007.

   

Singapore has an interesting mix of Chinese, Malay, Indian and European cultures. In terms of language, English, Mandarin, Malay and Tamil are ALL official languages, but English is used most commonly. Singaporean English, or Singlish as they call it, has its special features, mostly influenced by varieties of Chinese. You will hear a couple of times the usage of the “lah” word, something like: Drink lah! meaning: Just drink! The nightlife is also a great mix of European and Asian here: in the very same street you can go to high-end clubs as well as more modest Indian discos with Bollywood music.

As Singapore sports good weather almost all year round, the sea between the islands is ideal for some water sports. With the professional guidance of Arendt, Adrian and the boat-driver master Chifu (forgot his real name), we have taken a dip into the waters of wake-boarding. (Our other friend, Ankit couldn't join us as he was about to leave to Dubai the next day...and in the following 5 next days as well:)

 

Singapore also features the southernmost point of the Eurasian landmass. Most precisely the southernmost point can be found on the tip of a palm tree on Santosa island. From here you can get all the way until Europe by means of ground transportation only (including crossing some bridges).

 

In terms of culinary pleasures Singapore offers great food from the dirt cheap prices to luxury dining. Here you will find all the tastes of Asia as well as European food. All guide books will tell you to try the chilli crab and the steamboat, and they are in fact worth to give a try. Watch out for the spices though as local waiters tend to misunderstand the difference between spicy and not spicy.

Architecture-wise Singapore also has a number of amazing buildings. Probably the most emblematic is the Marina Bay Sands hotel and casino complex and the theater right next to it. The top of this hotel features a large swimming pool, which is normally only accessible for guests, but we managed to sneak in. How? Someday we will tell you:) Peeking down the other side of the hotel we find the grandiose port of Singapore and a construction area where probably a new hotel is being built. In the city-side front of the hotel there is a spectacular laser/fire/water show every night, several times. It is great, but feels like free circus to the masses panem et circenses style.